Dinah's Days... and Nights

Walking is Life

2011-12-05T19:49:00.001-08:00

I used to be a city planner. Really. Not for long. The work was boring. But I believe that where we live influences how we live and that affects our health and wellbeing. When the places we live in are designed for our natural human scale they support healthy people. We are walking animals. We walk to get food. We walk in our working lives. We walk to learn. We walk to live. So places that facilitate walking, that are walkable, are more healthful places to live. Sadly the Dallas suburbs do not facilitate a walking lifestyle. But it can be done.

When I suggested that walking to the park might be a good and pleasant way to get some exercise, Lori explained that she couldn't do that. She is afraid of dogs. When I suggested the same to Catherine she said that she was afraid to go out without her husband, who works long hours and can't accompany her. These two pregnant women are not alone. I hear these kind of fears often. What a strange, crazy and unhealthy world we live in when we are too scared to go for a walk.

I am happy to say that a month later, Catherine told me that she was able to overcome her fear and she had taken a 10 minute walk to Starbucks. She called her husband from the store and he couldn't believe she had done it! She was empowered. She is planning to walk to Starbucks every day. More power to you Catherine. You can do it too Lori.

Birth: As many attitudes as there are women

2011-10-18T19:01:00.000-07:00

For me giving birth for the first time was ecstatic and transformative. I thought that natural birth could be like that for every woman every time. But now I know, giving birth is as varied as we are. It can be unbelievably challenging, exhilarating, orgasmic, scary, cool, tiring, energizing, calm, wild, beautiful, crazy.

Renee has had three babies naturally before, all home or birth center births. She is committed to having her babies that way. She believes in it. She knows her body can do it..... but that doesn't make her like it! In the middle of birth number four she turns to me...."Dinah, remind me why I don't want an epidural" She wants a rational evidence-based answer that will strengthen her commitment to the process. I remind her that epidurals interrupt her body's production of endorphins which will give her that wonderful post-birth high and also help her recover easier physically. I remind her that epidurals lower blood pressure which can cause decelerations of the baby's heart which could lead to a c-section. "Thank you" she responds rationally and returns to her contractions. A little later she gives birth, beautifully connecting with her newborn girl (the first after 3 boys) and smiling with that post-birth high thanks to those useful endorphins.

But not every woman feels like Renee.

Sarah admits to me sheepishly during a prenatal visit "People think I'm crazy, but honestly, I love giving birth. I'd do it 50 times if I could" Don't be shy of feeling that way Sarah! Shout about it. You are not the only one who loves it. I vividly remember Mary rocking on all fours on her bedroom floor "Here comes another one," she hollered, "Bring it on!"

But not every woman feels like Sarah or Mary. There are all sorts of women and babies and all sorts of labors and births. Natural births are different from each other just as we are.

Mothers Naturally. Great videos

2011-09-22T16:51:00.000-07:00

Mothers Naturally is the consumer/mothers, section of the Midwives Alliance of North America. MANA is a powerful organization that keeps the flame burning for midwives of all kinds to continue to practice and serve all women in the way that they want to be served without succumbing in any way to the the medical establishment.

I recommend that you sample their new batch of youtube videos especially the ones about fear and about the role of the midwife. Here is the link

http://www.mothersnaturally.org/videoSeries/index.php

Enjoy!

Exciting changes

2011-09-22T16:35:00.001-07:00

I am ashamed.... No posts for months.....

But today is a good day to reconnect with my blog and its little band of followers. I have been buried in my life and now I am ready to re-emerge. For those of you (like D'Arcy) who thought I was off to distant places with Doctors Without Borders.... Well, I'm not, or at least not yet....

I had thought that as my sons leave home, and my nest becomes empty, it was time for me to move on and out.... but I forgot, how could I? I have 4 children, my sons, Amos, Ethan and Daniel and my fourth, my midwifery practice.

Of course.

How can I abandon my youngest child? I have to strengthen it and prepare it for the next phase of my life. So I have taken on Adelle. Adelle and I will share the midwifery practice. We will support our clients and each other and that will create more sanity and invigorated midwifery care. I may even add another midwife next year and then when my 4th baby is ready, I will be able to begin the next phase of my life.

Adelle and I share a lot but bring our uniquely different life stories to the practice. I am excited! Lovers Lane Birth Center is not me. It is the unique combination of the women and families that it serves and those who support them. It is growing and I am proud.

gaining insights from the dentist

2011-03-02T15:17:00.000-08:00

My dentist, Dr Kadosh, is fabulous! He loves peering into mouths just like I love babies growing inside of mothers and then sliding out. He loves talking about it too. He talks a lot and he has a captive audience. I lay back, focusing on the relaxing outbreath like a birthing mother. Dr Kadosh pokes around in my mouth with a rather unpleasant, picky little tool, and he talks. He waxes enthusiastically about how he can read a person's health in her mouth, her self-care, her diet. The pink, vascular tissue of the mucous membranes tells all.
Of course, I love his insight and I love his enthusiasm, but I think that the mouth is just a small part of the story. How much more so do pregnancy, labor, birth and postpartum reveal a person, the health of a mother, her baby, her whole family? During their pregnancies, many women increase their health and their babies' health. by eating with love. Many increase their health and the health of their babies by becoming confident and knowledgeable parents. Labor and birth experienced with support and confidence will also increase their health in. A strong mother will parent healthfully and carefully and with strength. The postpartum period, a sensitive time will flow easier from that empowered mother. That's health.

Midwifery is political

2010-11-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

Becoming a midwife was not for me a process with any political intent. Giving birth naturally and becoming a mother were transformational. I wanted to facilitate that process for others and to be transformed again in the process. And so it is. But it turns out that midwifery is political. It can't help it.
Venezuela has passed a law against "Obstetric Violence" which it defines as:
"....the appropriation of the body and reproductive processes of women by health personnel, which is expressed as dehumanized treatment, an abuse of medication, and to convert the natural processes into pathological ones, bringing with it loss of autonomy and the ability to decide freely about their bodies and sexuality, negatively impacting the quality of life of women..."
I have no idea if law suits have been brought by women as a result of this law. I hear there "are no midwives in Venezuela" (excuse me, there are midwives everywhere).
Could we ever dream of passing such a law? Are we so disempowered that such a law concerning the basic rights of women would be laughed out of Congress before it was written? I challenge American women to write such a law. Who is up for it?

A few days away

2010-10-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Thinking about my pregnant mammas. I am about to go away for a few days. I am going on a trip with my youngest son, Daniel. It will be fun and I am looking forward to it. I am also anticipating the release of pressure that comes from not being on call for a bit. But I am sad that the babies who are due will not wait for me. I really do love my clients, all of them. But it's an odd sort of love. We have a close and special but professional relationship, then the story of this particular pregnancy and birth and postpartum is over. We are done.
The mammas chose me to be there for them during their pregnancies and births. I am honored that they chose me and happy. But I know and they know, that the power and the magic is independent of me. A confident woman, supported by any midwife, will give birth.
I know that for me, my Daniel must come first and for them, their births will happen the way they happen, Dinah or no Dinah.
Goodbye for a bit, moms and babies, back soon.

Pressing buttons.

2010-09-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

If there's one thing that presses my buttons, it's women who blame themselves for everything.
It is the other side of the nourishing, mothering thing. A mother gives of herself as she is pregnant gives birth and as she mothers, and then when anything goes wrong, she blames herself. More specifically, when birth doesn't go the way a woman had hoped, she often blames herself. "If only I had held out and not had the epidural, I might have not ended up with the C-section" (She forgets that it's a set-up, not her "fault" at all)
I listened yesterday to a woman who told a birth story in which she was being attended by a midwife and giving birth naturally "I wish I had coped better" she said, blaming herself. But, upon eliciting the whole story, I hear that the midwife was in the other room during her labor, having given her a dose of nubain to "help her rest". She would doze and then wake up every few minutes unprepared for the massive power of labor with nobody who understood how to help her at her side. Her huband was unprepared and her mother prayed anxiously. The midwife appeared when it was time to push. I cringe to hear that story. How can she blame herself. I want to shout "BLAME THE MIDWIFE". But, out of loyalty to my sister midwives, and because, I suppose outward turning anger would probably be as unproductive as self-blame, I just focus on stressing that "NO, this is NOT your fault. You were in just as much a "situation" as the woman with the epidural in the hospital"
For most women, giving birth naturally requires support, nothing fancy, not necessarily TENS machines, or medication, doula or midwife gimmicks, just loving, confident support.
Pretty simple really.

Saving humanity with birth!

2010-08-27T17:18:00.000-07:00

Women are lucky. We can embody nature, change, new life. We are impregnated, we grow and we are one and two at the same time. Then we labor and give birth, embodying the process of nature in a way that men cannot do. Male and female, we all are born, grow, live and die. But lucky women can sense nature and life in a more profound way. We embody it. In the processes of pregnancy, labor, birth and breastfeeding we are the cycle of nature.
Through our experience, our embodiment, our understanding of natural pregnancy, labor, birth, breastfeeding, mothering, we can touch this hard, metal, concrete, mechanistic world and influence a return to common sense.
Trusting your body and giving birth naturally empowers you to trust yourself as a parent, to parent intuitively as you gave birth intuitively. Giving birth naturally empowers women to parent with love as we gave birth with love. And the children we parent with love and trust in nature, will love and trust in nature themselves. They are those who will live life honestly and with respect for themselves and those around them.
This is not a self-indulgent thing that we do when we give birth naturally. This is a step in the saving of humanity.

A long labor

2010-08-22T18:12:00.000-07:00

A long labor can be very laid back but have a certain tension at the same time. A long labor the other day. A lot of hanging out: midwives snacking, mother snacking a little, father dozing, mother moaning, mother resting, midwives gossiping, father massaging, doula pumping milk(!), midwives wondering, mother swaying. Midwives wondering. There is a certain intensity to the wondering and the helping and the evaluating that we do. There is even a certain tension to the studied calmness. And then, of course things develop and the mother is pushing and then the baby is visible and the release of tension and excitement is huge. And then the baby slips out into his father's arms with his crazy long head and his big cry and it's all messy and the relief and the release are immense. That's the way it is sometimes.

midwifery's ripples

2010-06-26T12:01:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think, a little disheartened, "How can a few natural births in a corner of Texas change this overwhelming world order?" I hope that the ripples outward from every woman who feels strengthened in her natural instincts, in her common sense and in her self confidence, by becoming a mother and by giving birth naturally will touch the world. Scientific rationalism, corporate power and a technological (sorry) male view, are so strong..... But the ripple of biological mothering instincts are persistent. I am optimistic. I know that there is really no choice for a human future on earth besides the force of nature from which we spring. It's only common sense!

How are you feeling? And I repeat back to you

2010-05-15T15:22:00.000-07:00

A prenatal visit begins with "How are you feeling?" No, that's not true, a prenatal visit begins with sitting comfortably face to face.
Then, "How are you feeling?" I ask. A pregnant woman answers "Good.... tired." Then, with a sigh, "The baby moves like crazy and then I can't sleep and then I have to get up to pee". I respond by repeating back "You're uncomfortable and not sleeping well....". "Yes, I'm tired of this pregnancy. It's getting old". "Oh dear, you are feeling impatient" I am just repeating back and not putting words in her mouth, but we have moved from the simple, often insoluble physical challenges of pregnancy, to the attitude, state of mind sorts of things about which we really have more control.
Later she says "And now my mom has decided that she's coming for the birth." "How do you feel about that?" "Well of course I love my mom and she really wants to be here but I thought it was just going to be me and Chris". "Your mom wants to be here but you visualize the birth differently," I repeat. "Yes, but it's really important to her to be here, I think. She's really excited about it" She is focusing on her mother's feelings not her own, so I will bring her back to her own. "Yes, but what do YOU think about her plan to be here?"
Repeating what my client says to me is a simple tool that creates connection. And the connection that I mean is not between me and my client, it is between the client and her own feelings. When she feels something and says it, she feels it more and then when I says it back to her, she feels it even more. And the more she feels it, the more she gets it, the more she learns and finds solutions.
My clients know the magic tool that I have on my window sill. It's a spiral-bound flip-book called "The Pocket Midwife" It is a book of perfect affirmations for pregnant women. At the end of the visit they flip it open at random and magically the message is perfect for that moment. A woman who is past her due date and fed up will get "I am patient and composed" A woman who is anxious about the birth process will flip to "My body knows exactly what to do" A woman who is feeling overwhelmed may turn to "I ask for and receive what I need" The woman reads the message out loud. There is power in speaking things out loud. There is power in repetition. The pregnant woman leaves the prenatal visit strengthened and empowered, a feeling that will be expanded upon as she experiences labor, birth, breastfeeding and mothering.

Hope on a beautiful spring day

2010-03-14T19:44:00.000-07:00

Went to the The Heard Museum in McKinney. It was the end of the day and the light was sharp and clear. I walked a few minutes on the trail and was quickly alone. I walked along the boardwalk that takes you out into the wetlands. Bare trees were emerging from the water into the bright sky and huge birds sweeping across the swamp. The natural world must be preserved and can be restored. The people who, in hope and commitment, have worked to restore this place, are like the women who believe in the way that our bodies work, and are committed enough to give birth naturally. They are the hope of humanity on this beautiful planet.

The thorny topic of Birth and the God thing

2010-02-18T19:28:00.000-08:00

I'm going to dive into this potentially very thorny topic. Birth and the God thing.
Pregnant women have an aura about them. Their sensitivity is all over their beautiful bodies. Their specialness could be called sacred. The moment of birth is unique in its power. It demands honor and respect, and also awe. You might call it a moment of holiness. For many, feeling this truth leads directly to their faith, a specific faith, and for many it does not. The power, the holiness the awe, the sacredness of it all are real whether you are believer (Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Hindu, Wiccan, Zoroastan) or an atheist.
So, when a client asks me about my faith, my beliefs, I answer. But I do not like the question. This is not only because this question for me is very personal, at least as personal as my political opinions, but more because the client usually wants to gauge my sensitivity to the spiritual aspects of birth, and I do not think that religious belief and being in tune with the spiritual are necessarily connected. Does not an atheist woman sense equally the power of the moment of the birth of her child as the woman of strongly held religious belief? Of course.
I respect the power of giving birth and I respect the women giving birth enough to know this.

Getting through a transport

2010-01-03T14:47:00.000-08:00

If this is a truthful blog about Dinah's Days and Nights, gotta talk about transports. Transports are shit. Transports are really hard. Transports have to happen.
Last week, a first time mother, (and yes, it is usually a first time mother or a VBAC) labored the way first time mothers labor..... A couple of nights of irritating contractions keeping her from resting well, phone conversations and suggestions about ways to get through it and then a meeting at midnight at the birth center. On the phone things sounded good..... she was not exhausted, contractions were consistent, low down in her belly and she sounded like she was coping well. She arrived with her husband, excited and rolling withthe labor..... looking good. I examined her. Cervix completely effaced, 0 station and 3 cms dilated. A nice little bulgey bag of water and baby in a perfect left occiput anterior position....... couldn't be better. 3 cms at midnight, mmmmm. I really wanted her to rest because clearly there would be a lot of work ahead. She lived 40 minutes away. I didn't really want her to drive there and back again in labor, but I've made the mistake too many times before of keeping a 3cm laboring mom at the birth center. Frequent result: exhaustion despite best efforts. C and her hub were happy to head home with a bottle of skullcap and some rest ideas. I went home to rest myself (in theory). Of course with a mom in early labor and menopause plaguing with its nighttime habits, I didn't sleep.
At 4 o'clock, the expected call came. I could hear C in the background loudly moaning and I hopped into the car. She sounded hot and heavy. I ran into the birth center thinking "I knew this was going well" and filled the tub. She was going to arrive almost in transition and would need the water right away....... But you know the end of this story so you know that is not what happened. In she came huffing and hollering........... "Aaaaaah I can't I can't this huuuuuurts" More mmmmmmm. Not good. Birthing a baby requires the "Bring it on" attitude not the "I can't it hurts" attitude.
I checked her: Completely effaced, 0 station and....... still 3 cms with NO bulgey bag of water...... So if you've been to a few births you know what had happened.... yes, water broke on the way home and baby turned posterior....... Oh lordie. This kind of deal requires huge stamina: Mother stamina, spouse stamina, midwife stamina.,.... and it requires motivation: mother motivation, spouse motivation, midwife motivation. So we worked VERY HARD. We worked on motivation. We worked on stamina and we worked on rolling that baby to the front. All of us worked very hard. Knee chest push that baby up and encourage her to turn. Lunge with the left leg. Lunge with the right leg. Dance with the hips rolling. Walk up and down the stairs. Pulsatilla. Aconite. Gelsemium. All these had their parts to play. From 6am to noon C progressed from 4cms to 5 cms and this was not looking good.
When it was time to go, C cried, her huband cried and off we went. At the hospital, wires, tubes and more tears. I stayed at her side in the hospital till at 4pm she got an epidural and it was time to rest. Home discouraged, disappointed, exhausted. That's transports.
After a transport it is easy to self blame, to feel that you are the only midwife who gets transports; that another midwife could have done differently, better; to feel guilty.I know that it is right to think through what happens after every birth whatever the outcome, but especially the transports: How did that happen? What can I learn from this? But at the end of the day, a midwife can't go on if she blames herself. In fact there is something egotistical about self-blame, like the midwife is the center of everything that happens. I must remember that I have a part in the birth story but I am not the cause of most things that happen at a birth.
Being a midwife involves learning to live with transports.
By the way, by 3am, C was still at 8 cms and ended up with a C-section. She, her husband, and her baby, are doing OK.

A good night's work

2009-12-13T19:19:00.000-08:00

J's first baby was a typical first birth in many ways: It was long and tiring and hard work. But after 30 hours (about 10 hours of active labor) Her baby son slid happily into the hands of his mother, father and midwife. Beautiful, rewarding, just the way it was meant to be.
After he was snuggled up and nursing well, we awaited the placenta. After thirty minutes no placenta. No worry. No bleeding. We tried a little pitocin then a little "Placenta Out" herbal tincture. No placenta. After an hour no bleeding and no placenta, we tried a little caulophyllum homeopathic remedy. No bleeding and no placenta. More breastfeeding, more patience, and when there was no placenta after 2 hours we went to the hospital.
The Doctor was very excited and called in the Maternal Fetal Medicine specialists for a consult. They warned J that she may bleed profusely as they attempted to extract the placenta, and that she may need a hysterectomy. Everybody cried a lot and was very anxious. The Doctor did his work and went in to manually extract the placenta. .... And it came out just fine! ("Very hard to extract", he said. Whatever,... it came out no bleeding, just fine) "You should not have another baby outside the hospital he said. This could repeat. You may be less lucky next time"
J and I heard and we were not sure what to think.
2 years later, she was in my office pregnant again. "What do you think?" 2 years had passed. I was feeling mellow that day. "Let's go for it" I said.
On Wednesday evening J called me at 9:45 in the evening "I've had half an hour of contractions, not too strong, every 10 to 15 minutes.... I think it's going to happen". I suggested we both try and get some rest. At 1:15am my phone rang. It was J's mom "Her contractions are 4 minutes apart and her water just broke. Water breaking in a multip..... often a sign that there's no time to lose. I jump in the car and off to Irving. I was so sure that things were moving fast that when J's mom opened the door to me at 1:50am I said "Is the baby out?" "No!" she said "If it were I'd be lying on the floor" (I'm not sure what she meant by that) but anyway I went into the bathroom where J was sitting on the toilet having a GINORMOUS contraction... "Ooooh" I thought, "The baby's going to come out right here in the bathroom VERY soon" So I lugged my stuff along the hallway so I'd be ready for the birth. Meanwhile J stood up and went "Uuuuuugh..... I'm pushing" As she said this she walked through to the living room and stood in the middle of the carpet in front of the big screen TV. Her mom, ever resourceful, grabbed a large tarp and threw it on the floor. J's husband (J2) was lying in bed with J3 trying to keep him asleep. J's mom ran in to get him up "She's pushing" He rubbed his eyes, walked in saying "What can I do?" "Look, can you see the head?"I said. J stood powerfully in the center of the living room and baby O slipped out. She sat down and J and J2 welcomed her into the world. 10 minutes later the placenta let go and slid out followed by a drop of blood the size of a half dollar.
A good night's work J

miraculous birthing bodies

2009-09-16T10:00:00.000-07:00

Women who let their bodies do what they need to do have amazing and sometimes surprising birth experiences. A big tall mamma birthing a few days ago: She moved around the birth room eventually getting herself into what seemed like a counter-intuitive leaning backwards squat. After watching her for about 15 minutes, I said"That looks uncomfortable. Try your hands and knees." She did. The water broke and her baby was out in a few minutes. Imagine my surprise when a beautiful, flexible birthing goddess type mamma a couple of nights later got into that same backwards leaning pose, not once, but repeatedly. She even did a few yoga crab moves (she really was a bit of a birth yogi), pushing upwards and backwards onto her hands from a seated posture with her belly in the air.... Then she squatted and the baby came out....fabulous.... Love it

A sandwich is an opportunity

2009-09-12T15:33:00.000-07:00

Pregnancy is about opportunity. A client tells me about her lunch sandwich: A piece of processed turkey with some mayonnaise on some ...er... bread..... A missed opportunity! Then I hear of a sort of salad with some lettuce, olives, croutons, grated cheese and ranch dressing. A missed opportunity! What about that weird dream she had last night? "My brothers are teasing me and I wake up really scared and in tears. That was strange. I don't think about my brothers too much", and she gets up and goes to work without thinking any more about it. And here we have another wonderful missed opportunity.
A pregnant woman cares intensely about her unborn child. It gets all her nourishing juices flowing. If, up until this pregnancy, she hasn't taken the opportunities that life offers to nourish herself, being pregnant is a powerful opportunity. In her journey of self-discovery that is pregnancy she can add interesting new ingredients to her sandwich: What about avocado, sprouts, radish, humus, even a scrambled egg in there between those pieces of crusty, grainy stuff....? What a pleasure. And what could she put in that salad bowl? Cabbage might be good, why not? And jicama, she could give that a try. And how about celery and sweet red pepper, tiny juicy tomatoes, pine nuts, green and red onion, and a little basil, all dressed with olive oil, a squeeze of lemon and some balsamic vinegar? Doesn't that inspire you to go into the kitchen right now and create something tasty?
And what about that dream? Let's not dismiss it. Maybe she can tease out for herself her subconscious message. You don't need a degree in psychology or a year on the couch to ask some simple questions of yourself. Go past the immediate facts of the dream to its meaning in the feelings that it evokes. What is it the feeling of the place in which this is happening? What does that intense feeling when you are being teased remind you of? Does it remind you of another time and place? What would make you think of those feelings now? How does that help you to use this opportunity in your pregnancy for greater self-knowledge and ultimately to be the best mother that you can be? How will talking about these feelings and understanding them help you to deepen your relationship with your spouse and thus work better as a team to parent your child?
Every occasion from the sandwich and the salad to your dream last night, is an opportunity. In pregnancy this is especially true because it is a time of change, and therefore a time when women are open to all kinds of new experiences. Don't miss the opportunity!

the midwifery sisterhood

2009-09-05T13:00:00.000-07:00

To be a midwife is to be part of a different world. The life is intense. Pregnancy and birth are so powerful. As a midwife I experience that power often. I go home and shop and cook and talk about school, kids, money, daily ups and downs; but all the time, I have another life, a life of pregnancy and birth in which there is no mundane, it is all significant and powerful. The only people who share that contrast of daily grind interspersed with the immense pressure, responsibility and pleasure of attending births, are my midwife sisters. So, to go out with another midwife for lunch, as I did the other day, is special and wonderful. We ate Thai food. We talked about mundane things. We laughed about menopause, and we hoped that we are aging with wisdom and pleasure.

same old depressing story

2009-09-02T19:47:00.000-07:00

At her first appointment E told me about the day that she went into her OB's office at 38 weeks along in her last pregnancy. "I'm uncomfortable", she complained, as women who are in their last few weeks typically complain. But E didn't know the way an obstetrician's mind works..... Complaining is his opportunity to act on your body at his convenience.... BEWARE. Her obstetrician smiled sweetly: "Another sucker", he thought. "I can fit her in on Tuesday afternoon and then I'll able to make the gala dinner that the pharmaceutical company is throwing in the evening". So he said, "Your baby is big enough" (whatever that means), "Why don't we induce labor on Tuesday morning?" "OK" said E, clueless and trusting. So he started with cytotec and went on with pitocin and within a short time there was an alarming dip in the baby's heart rate: "Let's put you on your right side....er....maybe not, let's try your left.....er.....ooops, I guess we'd better cut you RIGHT NOW" and so he did. Thank goodness he acted quickly and saved the baby's life. I suppose she'll have to be cut for all her babies now, "You don't mind that do you?"
The baby was fed bottles in the nursery and never got the breastfeeding thing.
Sometimes I'm angry. Today I was just sad.